The Jort Report » Babes

Welcome To Hell

Hans — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 01:31:10 +0000

No need to adjust your computer screens, that’s exactly what and who it looks like. Equal parts vomit-inducing and fucking awesome.

Bar Wins

Hans — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:25:28 +0000

Miss Rafaeli has done the unthinkable and topped her SI Swimsuit Issue pics from last year.

More here.

Bikini Season Is Upon Us

Hans — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:48:44 +0000

…because Hayden said so. That is all.

Megan Fox Remains Undefeated

Hans — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:36:29 +0000

It pains me to say this but Miss Fox has officially taken the number one spot on my list from Miss Biel. This is a decision based solely on consistency and sluttiness (although Biel did rack up some cool points with these). The latest from her hotness is from the June issue of Esquire. Well done, fellas.

Aubrey O’Day Is Nekkid, Airbrushed

Hans — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 01:07:52 +0000

I don’t really have anything to say about these except for if you can show me a dude that says he wouldn’t hit it, I’ll show you a liar.

Obviously, the pics after the jump are not safe for work.

Because Sports Illustrated Obviously Forgot

Hans — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:57:36 +0000

I’m gonna go ahead and chalk it up to a brain fart on SI’s part that Marisa Miller was not present in this years swimsuit issue. Inexcusable.

You made your bed SI… and it sucks.

As a consolation, here are some low-quality (but quality, nonetheless) shots from the new VS swimsuit catalog.

She’s Waving At Me, Not You

Hans — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:53:53 +0000

More Bar fa dat ass…

Oh, and Jessica Simpson’s stylist… take notes.

BIKINIS!!!!

Hans — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:05:21 +0000

Today is that day of the year where Sports Illustrated gets the chance to remind the world that they still exist. This year they did that in the form of Bar Fucking Rafaeli (if that’s not her middle name it sure as shit should be). Coming in a close second is Brooklyn Decker, who probably looks like she enjoys anal more than Bar but it’s up to you to decide whether that’s hot or not. And all the other chicks in this issue can kick rocks… maybe not Julie Henderson but the rest, for sure. The goodies are after the jump…

Bar Rafaeli

Brooklyn Decker

See everything else here.

Giggity Giggity Goo

Hans — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:24:23 +0000

Attention all females… FALL BACK.

Alessandra Ambrosio‘s Booty Is Fictitious

Hans — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 14:09:36 +0000

I’m not going to say much here for fear of getting extremely inappropriate… I’ll just let the pics speak for themselves.

…and God Bless the photographer that decided to take these pics at an ungodly high resolution.

To you, sir, I am indebted.